The Black Sheep

March 29, 2019

 

Recently, I decided to write a book that was mostly fiction. "Mostly." The way I saw it was that all authors put a little bit of themselves into their work. Where would we get the stories if not sometimes from our experiences?

 

So I wrote it. I wrote the one book that had been part of my journal writing, about the way I grew up and how I felt about it, tossing in some fiction, just to even things out. 

 

I can't tell you how freeing it was to get some of it out in the open and even though I knew it would be a little risky, I went ahead and had it published. 

 

Then, it happened. Someone saw it who I never thought for the life of me would want to read my writing, and she had such an opinion about it, that she gave me a negative review. So my question is, should I have kept it to myself? It's my story. 

 

Let me give you a little background if you haven't read it. I have an on again off again relationship with my parents. I've always felt like the black sheep. I recently, at 50 yrs old, left the family unit for good. There are more stories about this than I have time to tell, so let's just say, some of it went in this last book. I needed to tell this story and honestly, it really isn't that bad. I just wanted to write it and I wanted to say goodbye - which I did. It's about me and it's about how I felt excluded and not part of the family, but interwoven are many of my experiences and how I became the person I am today. 

 

I still feel like the black sheep. I always will. When people seem to be disappointed in me, I doubt myself, but this second part of my life is devoted to truths and this was a part of my own truth. Is my truth less important than anyone else's? If we live life valuing everyone's opinions of ourselves, it can destroy us. We need to just let people have their own voices. Let them say or feel how they want. It's not our job to judge that. 

 

I hope to achieve many things, and one is not to let what others think of me change my direction in life. All we can do is allow ourselves to believe we deserve love and happiness. We have to tell our stories because after we are gone, the stories will live on and speak to others about how to seek love and happiness. 

 

Don't let others steal your happiness. Speak your truth. Be the black sheep for as long as you have to...

 

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